Foam Fest 2013

June 1, 2013

First mud run - Foam Fest 5k

Ottawa, IL

Time: who really knows

The name "foam fest"  conjures up happy prancing through mounds of fluffy, fun, foam as one lightly trots along an easy 5k course. Bullshit!

The night before Bekki came over and colored my hair. I got to bed after midnight. I didn't think it was a huge deal. I wasn't taking this race too seriously.

I have had hydration issues ever since I can remember. I don't remember it but I was told that on my first Christmas I was in the hospital for dehydration. I got up around 7, had coffee, water and some sports drink. I also had about 24 oz of water on the way. During the race I had some nasty yellow tinged water at two of the rest stops. After I downed a large chocolate coconut water and a Coke. On the way home I got a 32 oz. water. I peed for the second time when I got home after 3 pm. How the heck did I get so dehydrated?

So anyway, my heat started promptly at 10 am. We got off to a slow start, sloshing through uneven muddy ground. I wasn't prepared to run through a forest. I really thought this was going to be a run on a flat track with some fun and foamy obstacles along the way. I swear the mud went on forever. It went on alright. It went on and under and over. Soon everyone started falling and laughing along the way. And if you managed to avoid getting in deep, it was going to happen at the first obstacle.

The electric mud crawl had us crawling low under electrically charged rope. I never felt a charge but some reported getting shocked. Hey! Where's the foam? Some of these chicks were so dramatic that just to get out of hearing range from them I sped the heck up. I passed up three large groups containing dainty little princesses.

At this point I cant recall the sequence of obstacles. The forest part seemed to go on forever. Some of the obstacles were tough. I had a hard time getting over the gigantic tires. They were rock hard and hurt like heck trying to climb over them. Then there was the woven rope tent. six people climbed up and over at once making it a very wobble experience and a little freaky when you get to the top and look over at the crowd waiting to climb up. I skipped the wooden slatted walls after I saw people thudding to the ground. It was towards the end anyway and this thing was really dragging on.

Speaking of dragging on; at one point I seriously wanted to give up. They had us going up a few inclines in the forest. the path was uneven and slippery with mud. There was one that was particularly difficult and I just wanted to give up. But where was I to go? Who was going to help me? It really sucked but I had no choice. There was a girl totally stuck in the middle of the path with nothing to grab onto. She was crying out that she couldn't do it. We all pulled together to help her up the steep hill.

the foamy obstacles were a little anticlimactic. Perhaps if I was allowed to linger in the foam it would have been different. There were also a million warnings along the way to not ingest the foam lest you shit your pants all the way home and into the night.

The first bot o' foam fun was an easy one. It was a walk through dangly, foam coated beach ball-like balls. the second foam obstacle left me stuck to get out. You climbed up the side wall of a giant muddy watered pool and onto a floating foam pad (kinda reminded me of the things we rented at the wave pool as a kid to ride the waves). Once on the pad you walk through a bunch of giant blow-up lemons hanging from above as the foam pad slides forward. The foam pad didn't quite get me to the other end of the pool. I fell off and couldn't quite propel myself up the wall and over. I was frustrated but laughing. The photographer was capturing the moment and instead of lading a helping hand he was directing me. Well, if I was taller than 5'5" I might be able to do it! Some wonderful chick came along and grabbed my hand. It took three tries but I did it! Was this over yet?

My favorite obstacle was the one where you take a running start and leap onto the long vertical foam slide. It was like a slip n' slide (which I don't think I ever played with as a kid) but off the ground and involved foam.

The scariest obstacle was the 3 story death drop. You climb up the side wall on very small brick shaped steps. Then you lie flat, cross your arms over your chest and go! Straight down at a very steep angle as the foam propels you forward. I got so freaked out I spread my legs so they hit the side wall to slow me down. At the end you're thrust into a cold pool of muddy water.

One more vertical slip n' slide and I was done! Woo hoo! They immediately handed me a finisher medal. Whew! It was done! Now for some food and a regular Coke! I haven't enjoyed one of those in years.

I was a little disappointed in the shower situation. They hold this even in the middle of nowhere and expect people to drive home in filth. Gross! The "shower" was a giant pad filled with water. Three Very low pressure hoses at ground level were available to thousands to clean up with. I got to my car and changed my clothes in the front seat using a towel to scrape off the mud.

I really wanted to stick around and take photos but my body was wearing thin rapidly and I still had an hour and a half ride home.

I don't know if I can say I had fun. The day was a huge challenge from which I learned a lot. I was glad it was over but I'd do it again...but not today.