Fat Ass 5k 2013

May 11, 2013

Seventh 5k - Fat Ass 5k

Springfield, IL

Time 34:01; Pace 10:57

Place 319/2014 female; 704/3097 overall

Woweeeee, what a crappy time (time as in race time, not overall experience)! Let me explain:

As soon as I saw the name of this race waaaay back last year I had to sign up immediately. I decided to take the train down. Train people are weird and the majority of them stink from cigarette smoke.  I always wonder why people take the train. 

The town was obsessed with this race. They had a pre party in the street right outside my hotel the night before. All the noise kept me from enjoying my nap. And just so you will be able to enjoy the party AND the race the next day, the race started at 10 am. It's all these folks can talk about. I was gearing up for a great race.

I left the hotel at 9:40 am and walked to the corner. I saw the pace markers to let you know where you should line up according to how fast you run. OK, I see 6, 7, 8 minute mile. That was it! Hey wait a minute. I didn't exactly get the idea that this was some sort of prestigious race to which the elite runners flocked but really, where the pace marker for my speed? I was looking to start somewhere between a 10 and an 11 minute mile. 

I ended up lining up next to  a dude in jeans, an idiot smoking a cigarette and some broad with a stroller and a beer. WTF? The national anthem was sung, the bag pipes were played and Harley dudes fired up their engines. Aaaaaaand we're off! Ahhhh....nice wide streets. This was going well. I passed some bands playing music, some dude yelling snide comments over a mic and then I came upon the water tent. These must have been some awfully thirsty runner because the line was 5 deep. They couldn't pour it fast enough. Wait....what?....that's not water! That's beer! Ok, keep going. There will be beer later.

I grabbed water at the next table. I ran on and encountered Elvis, a gang of clowns, some German musicians with that super long horn like in the Ricola commercials (the lady manning the horn actually yelled "Riiiiiiiicolaaaaa" into it), belly dancers, a non-marching marching band and Ronnie Woo Woo.

So Ronnie Woo Woo is this super cubs fan who is known for yelling "woo woo" in the stands. Of course I needed to mess with him and yelled "go White Sox!" as I passed. His "people" stopped wooing and gave me the look of death. I didn't know it was him until Bekki told me the next day after she saw the photo I sent to her. That made it even better knowing it was him!

  

 In addition to some stellar entertainment along the way we were served donut holes (I only had one!) and corn dogs.

The woman above came all the way from Ohio with her friends to run this race.

I lost time smiling and laughing at all the attractions along the way. It was more like the fat ass 5k circus. The course was a two loop track around the downtown area. Ugh, I had to go up the hill twice! If I lived in the area I woulds so get on the race committee. I don't know if it's because these people aren't actual runners, or they don't have many races in central IL or because they don't care or , let's give them the benefit of the doubt here, but I would so make some serious changes. This is my eighth race and I think by now I know what works well and what doesn't.

So as I'm about the close out the last loop and bring it home I couldn't figure out where to go. I turned to the right but some dude yelled at me to go straight. I was looking for a huge banner or finish line arch. How am I supposed to know that a big pink elephant's ass marks the finish line? They really needed a sign to indicate the start of the second loop and another to indicate the close of the second loop. The sign below was not visible to me. I know I don't pay attention to things half the time but I really didn't see it.

 

So just in case there was a camera at the finish line I took a silly leap across the line. I later discovered another organizational flaw. There were 2 photographers to cover 4000 runners who put a mere 820 photos on one of their online portfolio websites. This means that to find your photo, if any, you had to look through every single photo. 

The norm would be a website where you could put in your bib number and all your photos will pop up. Arghhhhh!!!!!!!

I got my free Gatorade and took some finish line photos. My Runkeeper app said I ran 3.34 miles in 32 minutes. OK! No.... The cell towers must not be that strong in the middle of nowhere Illinois.

After I figured out there was no computer to put in my bib number and get my official time (and none of the volunteers knew what I was talking about either) I decided to take a walk. I walked one loop which was 1.5 miles. I wanted to take some pictures, grab a beer and a corn dog.

I crossed the finish line again withe the walking stragglers and headed straight to the free beer. It was the good stuff too - Blue Moon! I had bought the BBQ lunch package so I worked my way through the crowd to grab a plate of bad pulled pork. I found a spot on the grass, ate, laid back in the  sun and took it all in. OK that was about 15 minutes! I had things to see. 

I went back to the hotel to shower and head back out to this cool book store and took a tour of the Vachel Lindsay (yeah, I didn't know who he was either) house and the Lincoln Library. My feet were killing me! I walked back to the hotel for the night around 10 pm. People were still wearing their race bibs. Get out much?